i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
