That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
