There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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