her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
