I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize