I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
