The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
