pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I love you.
Bad choice
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