If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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