FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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