we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
