kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
