a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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