I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
