Your tits are I can't wait for
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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