If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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