so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
