Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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