It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
