I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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