I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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