Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
