I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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