we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
