I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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