I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
