Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize