shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
