Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Every concussion has its silver lining
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
