around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like a drive thru vagina
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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