fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I faked an abortion last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
