I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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