Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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