Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
