she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
