You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
