he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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