wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
