we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
