I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
