broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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