I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
