WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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