You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
