I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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