it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
