so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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