how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
