if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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