i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
