my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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