okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
