i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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