If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
