Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
