i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
