the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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