i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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