Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize