girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
