I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
