after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
