Where did you get a picture of my penis
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
