It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
