they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
