my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
