I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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