why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
