i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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