Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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