she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
