I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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