YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
