When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
