I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
