Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
