WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
