Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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