3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
