i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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