don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
