I want to walk on stilts...naked
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
