Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
