I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize