On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
