Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
