ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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