he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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