Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
