ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
