now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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