Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
