We had to coat check the pizza.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
