I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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