By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize