You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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