hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
