I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
