Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
thus making me awesome and them whores
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
