Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
