She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
