i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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